13 Wishes

12 dark nights, 13 heart-sourced wishes

I am participating in a ritual hosted by my friend called "12 Nights". It is inspired by several traditions that follow both solar & lunar calendars, and honor the 12 day distinction between the two calendars during this auspicious time of stillness, darkness & reflection surrounding Christmas & New Years.

We were encouraged to write 13 wishes at the start of the practice, and burn one each night - blindly - leaving us with just one at the end to consciously steward into existence, trusting the others to manifest in their time.

I have many dreams stirring for 2024. They are potent & clear,. More so than any year yet. This is both exciting and daunting - to know what you want means you could risk not getting it, or even scarier - actually get it. It is safer to stay in the unknown, to fall into the future expectationless, goalless. What does it mean to fully claim your life, to take a clear and strong stand for a future you want to call into existence, and to surrender to the outcome? To allow life to unfold effortlessly, trusting it isn’t ultimately you in charge.

I am being met with a deep peace during this time. A welcomed exhale despite the looniness of being around family during the holidays.

Today, a poem arrived while sitting in the arms of a Banyan tree in Palm Beach, FL:

Peace pooling,

Orange streaks dance across a pale blue sky

Held in the arms of a Banyan tree;

entangled, veiny —

I long & I wonder:

What will you be like?

Where are you in this moment?

I long to stroke your soft hair,

to kiss your cheek.

An upwardly swelling in my throat,

a subtle worry you aren’t there.

I worry you’ll never be enough for me because I’m too good. That I’ll never be enough for you because I’m deficient;

with each breathe I slowly massage the border between where these stories meet,

melting them back into truth, into wholeness, into love.

‘Love is patient, love is kind’—

Like this banyan tree, effortless in its magnificence, its bold & brilliant stature, its resilience, the complexity of the web it exists in.

Like this banyan tree you & I never exist alone.

We are embedded in layers of tapestries seen & unseen, past, present future.

We are shaped by stories long forgotten and tales untold.

In the quiet center,

the core, there is but everything and nothing. The tree whispers:

“Enjoy this life you have been given.

Cherish it and all that it comes across—

Stay open, awake.

Even in the depths of the night when your body is at rest, listen, watch.

Follow the clues, trust the unfolding & remember that you never travel alone.”

“Thank you wise one” I answer, placing a hand gentle on its aged bark.

“Thank you.”